yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize