so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
