if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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