True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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