who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
