I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
