A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
