Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
