Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
