TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
