I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
