i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
