Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
