What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
