How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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