Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
