Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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