Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
