I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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