wrigley field is MILF paradise
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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