Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
