I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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