12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
