I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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