All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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