WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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