My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
