My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
