My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
