WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
