I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
