Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
