I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
