Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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