I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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