so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
