We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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