Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
