I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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