Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
