Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
