yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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