Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
