All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
