Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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