you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
