Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
