I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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