I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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