my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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