u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
