I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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