Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize