A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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