Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My ass is underappreciated
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
