Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
