Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
