sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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