I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
