If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
