I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
