I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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