I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
