I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
