I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
