yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
