Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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