I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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