The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
