I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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