I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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