Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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