I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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